Tuesday, March 21, 2017

I Am Remade. Every Day.

There are a million ways that
I am not like Jesus.

But here's one of the biggies:
I'm a reactionary.
You hurt me and I will absolutely react.
I wish I wouldn't.
I wish I could stuff the hurt down and carry on.
I wish I could just pray for those who hurt me,
hold my head up, and move on.

My therapist tells me, you have to address these hurts.
Holding them in will fester and eat you up.
The problem is, there is one hurt little girl 
living inside me
and when she gets hurt, 
well, she reacts like a child that has
 been hurt and doesn't feel heard.
And she does it as a grown adult.
Not pretty. 

Well, that's enough self revelation for a public forum. 
I confess these tender parts to explain 
what Satan likes to do with my hurt.
He likes to turn me in on myself.
I think, look at Jesus on that cross.
He didn't lash out.
He didn't send down lightening bolts.
He didn't curse those who hurt him.

God has been speaking to me through song 
during this rough season of my life.
I was trying to explain to Mike the 
battle being waged inside me
and then a song by
Tenth Avenue North
came on.

I am more than the choices that I've made.
I am more than the sum of my past mistakes.
I am more than the problems I create.
I've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to.

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

Thank you, Tenth Avenue North.

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